When most people think of "funeral music" they think of something soothing, relaxing or inspirational like Christian Hymns. In today's world, that is slowly changing. As more and more younger people are dying from cancer and other diseases and more funerals are taking place at a funeral parlor instead of a church, more non-traditional songs are being played at funerals.
Here is a list of 12 of these "non-traditional" funeral songs:
1. Spirit in the sky by Norman Greenbaum
2. Fireflies by owl City
3. See you Again by Carrie Underwood
4. Fix You by Coldplay
5. Broken by Lifehouse
6. Cry by James Blunt
7. Heaven by Los Lonley Boys
8. One Life to Love by 33 Miles
9. I'll Follow you Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie
10. My Immortal by Evanescence
11. If I Die young by The Band Perry
12. If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback
If you think of other songs I could add to the list feel free to make a comment below.
In today's world people want to be able to have information at their fingertips anytime and anywhere. This has become even more apparent through the development of smartphones and different apps that are available to users these phones.
In this post I will include a short list of apps that I have downloaded to my Iphone that are useful to those who are making funeral arrangements for a loved one- who has died, or for those that would like to pre-plan their funerals to make things easier for their families.
1.iFuneral -created by Appware Limited.
This App is designed for you to enter all sorts of information about the type of service you'd like when you pass away. Once you've entered all the information desired, you can send the info to your next-of-kin to safeguard it until they need to use it. Information you'll input includes: church denomination, a specific funeral home and director you'd like to take care of arrangements with their contact information, whether you prefer burial or cremation as well as place of burial, music you'd like to be played at the service, type of procession, casket type, clothing you'd like to wear, clothing for those attending (for example if you want all to wear black in mourning or if you want them to wear blue because it was your favorite color. etc.), if you have a life insurance plan, pre-need arrangements or a will, and you may also include any special wishes. This app was made in the UK, therefore caskets listed may not be available to US residents.
2. Funeral info. -created by Your Tribute Holdings LTD.
This is a wonderful app dedicated to answering all of your questions regarding funeral services from "How to write an obituary" to "inappropriate & funny funeral songs" etc. It works similarly to ask.com and other like websites. Select the Article category you have questions about then you're given a list of articles regarding that category.
3.FindAGrave -created by Ancestry.com.
This app works by searching by memorial (or person) or searching for a cemetery. Once you have selected one and entered the needed information: first and last name of the deceased, date of birth, date of death, country, state and city of burial, hit search. You are then given a list of people to scroll through who fit the criteria entered. I searched for my great grandmother and was able to find her grave easily with a picture of her grave stone and a short bio all about her. This app also provides you the plot number and the cemetery's name, address, and phone number if available.
4.ObitFinder -created by Legacy.com.
This app is similar to the Find A Grave App, except for it's meant to specifically find obituaries. This App may be helpful if you are writing an obituary for a loved one and can't remember great great grandma's name or other information. It also provides a great list of obituaries you can use as references or outlines for writing your own obituary or a loved one's. The way it works- you enter the first and last name of the person who's obit you are looking for as well as selecting a date range and keywords such as: place of death, birth, grandpa's name, things that will help the site find the needle in the haystack of millions of obituaries. When I searched for a family member's obit I found not only one obituary but 2 that were submitted to different papers.
The last Iphone or Smartphone app I'm sharing with you is more of a help for friends or distant relatives who are attending a funeral service and aren't quite sure what to say.
5. JustToSay -created by Indy.inc.
This app was specifically built to help those who have a hard time expressing with words exactly what they want to say from their hearts. It provides many different phrases and conversation starters to use at different occasions. The sympathy section of this app provides excellent suggestions such as, "I know there is nothing I can say or do to make this okay. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of sorrow." I know it may be a little Hallmark but if said with heart and feeling the families truly appreciate your kind words.
To finish up I would like to introduce a couple of apps that are available for social media such as Twitter and Facebook.
One app available for Twitter users is LivesOn. This app was created to post random twitter posts to your twitter account after you have passed away. The app analyzes your current twitter posts and from there it creates the new posts. Kind of a creepy thought but kind of cool. Some users may find comfort from your computerized "tweets from heaven" while others may just find it spooky and odd.
A popular Facebook app available is the IfIDie app. (I do not condone the hand gestures found in the video on this website). What IfIDie does is provides you with the ability to share a personalized video message to select friends and family if you happen to die. It also allows you to write specific messages that you would like delivered by message to your Facebook after your death. Kind of a cool way to share a video will or a video message for a memorial service for close friends and family.
Today my Beta Fish died this is a tribute to him... or it.
Jamal Paul Clifford, the beta fish, passed away peacefully in his sleep on Saturday June 22, 2013.
Jamal was born on an unknown date to two loving and excited beta parents but had to be given up for adoption because his parents could no longer care for him and because their bowl ran out of room to shelter him and his constant bowel movements. After leaving his parents he spent a portion of his life at Craft warehouse where he socialized with all the other betas around him while watching fanatic crafters buy many things they don't need. Including Beta fishes.
On May 30, 2013 he was adopted into the Clifford family where he joined his Father Brevin, his Mother McCall and his older brother Koda in their cozy apartment.(He never actually met Koda in fear for Koda liking sea food)
He spent his life with the Clifford's in a large glass mug from the dollar store where he was always surrounded by fake flowers and yellow beads. He loved to swim, eat, sleep and watch this strange family do crafts and eat from a top the bookshelf in the dining room.
He is survived by the brown flakes of Tetrafin fish food, his father-because he fed him, and the light that shined on so many of his mothers crafts.
His favorite saying was “Just keep swimming...in circles”.
(because he had limited room to move)
Though we only knew him for a short while, his rotten dead fish scent will linger in our kitchen for days to come...
he will be missed and forever in our hearts.
We know he is now swimming with all his loved ones in the sewer *cough* fish paradise.
A small toilet side service was held on June 23, 2013 at 4:00pm.
Burial at toilet flush followed. (We hope he wasn't just sleeping)
In lieu of Flowers and money, donations can be made to your favorite charity or the Get a new Beta fish for Brevin and McCall Foundation.
Don’t
be the guy who shows up at the funeral not knowing anyone in the family
but expecting to get fed at the brunch following.
Don’t
show up at funerals and blatantly shove the grieving families beliefs aside
to only replace them with your own personal beliefs. (Not everybody wants
to be told that the body of the person they have loved and cherished for
many many years is “just a Shell” though it may be a body with the spirit
being absent it is still what they recognize as their loved one and they
have the right to say goodbye to them face to face.)
Don’t
show up at a funeral and as a non-paster, family member, or funeral worker
take over the show and demand that everybody conform to your wants.
Don’t
be the tacky person who shows up in a mini skirt or a heavy metal rock
t-shirt when everybody else is dressed classily. (especially if you are a
grandchild or a child of the deceased)
Don’t
show up at a formal church funeral smelling of smoke or alcohol or a
mixture of the two. I know we all grieve the same but a shower, a splash
of mouth wash and mint go a long way.
Don’t
be the person who gets up during a time of sharing and shares
inappropriate remarks regarding the deceased.
Don’t
swear or use crude language during any part of a funeral service. Show
some respect to the dead and others who come to the funeral.
Don’t
bring dead animals and place them in the casket. (this isn’t ancient Egypt you
don’t need to bring a dead cat in a bag to be buried in the casket with their
owner)
Don’t
show up at a funeral 15 minutes late. Especially if you are a family member
of the decease. I know it’s a hard time and there is a lot on your mind.
Just remember that in most cases clergy and funeral directors will hold up
services till all expected family is present. Don’t be the one to make the
funeral start late.
Unless
you are a family member of the deceased or have permission from the family
to do so Don’t take pictures of the dead and place them on facebook,
twitter, instagram, myspace, google plus or any other social media cite.
Don’t
be the one who’s phone goes off in the middle of the service with the
ringer at full blast. Remember a funeral is quite similar to a church
service.
The Following post comes from a paper that I wrote in my English 1010 class as a senior in high school. Though the information included was written by a high school student with limited personal experience in the funeral industry the information is quite accurate. As I am currently a licensed Funeral Director I will add comments here and there as additions to the paper which will appear in RED. I also added a few pictures for your enjoyment. This was a paper for a college level class the works cited can be found at the end of the text if you would like more information on the subjects discussed. Here it is, the paper written by Me in 2007:
Have
You Heard the One About the Mortician?
While
eating at a restaurant the other night I overheard a group of friends talking
about life and how things were going. Then, out of nowhere, I heard one of the
men say something about death and suddenly the conversation changed from a mood
of casual conversation to "dead" silence. Finally, as if to end this awkward
silence and change the mood of the conversation, one of the friends said, “Did
you hear the one about the mortician and the head switch?” He then proceeded to
tell a joke about a dark, disrespectful, money-hungry mortician who switched
two clients’ heads instead of switching their suits. This joke was followed by
laughter and joy, which in turn led back to a delightful conversation avoiding
the topic of death.
As
seen in this situation, society at large has created stereotypes and jokes
about the business of death to hide their true feelings regarding death. The
problem with situations like this is that instead of facing their true
feelings, people have created widely- known misconceptions about morticians and
the services they provide. With these common misconceptions of death and the
funeral business, society at large is slowly becoming afraid of approaching
morticians in the hour they need to most.
One
stereotype which morticians are given which can scare people away from them, is according to the union tribune, morticians are always “standing with
[their] hands folded waiting for someone to die.” This is a false
statement. Funeral directors don’t stand around waiting for someone to die.
Funeral directors actually have to sacrifice a lot of time and energy when
someone dies. When they are on call they have no choice, if someone calls they
have to drop whatever they are doing to go pick up the body. When a mortician
is on call he makes no plans, or if he does, he makes small plans because even
if he’s cooking dinner he still has to stop what he’s doing and pick up the
body or help the deceased’s family with whatever they need. Their wives and
family have to be flexible in their plans as well since they never know if
there will be a call or how long it will take. So even if it seems like they’re
“standing with their hand folded” waiting for people to die, they’re really
just on call all day and night because it’s their job to act quickly and help
the families at a time when they need it most.
As the preacher in the Disney Movie PollyAnna states in his Sunday sermon, "Death comes unexpectedly!". As a funeral director I'm on call almost every night every other week. I work nights, weekends and holidays. As was stated above during this time I rarely make plans to go out with friends, go to the movies or do anything which would be disrupted by me needing to leave and care for a family who has lost a loved one. While I was in college there were many evenings when I had to end a date early or postpone a date with my Sweetheart due to the fact that I was called to care for the dead. To some this may sound like a huge sacrifice, which it is at times, but to me it's merely a way of living a life of service to those who need it.
Another
stereotype that is very disrespectful to those in the funeral business is that
that Morticians are greedy vultures preying on the grieving families. This is incorrect. When asked about this topic, Lynn A. Ronan said, “[morticians
are] required by the Federal Trade Commission to provide a copy of a general
price list to their clients,and there
are 17 items that are required to be on the price list.” Mrs. Ronan also stated
that morticians are also “required to show the family a casket and outer burial [vault] prices”(Kline).The law
put in place by the Federal Trade commission not only says that they must show
you the price of the casket but they must also show you the written description
of casket before they are able to show you the actual casket. (How) When
dealing with this stereotype society must realize that most of the accessories
included in a funeral are very expensive by themselves. For instance, according
the website, A Light Beyond, the average casket costs $2,000. (at the funeral home where I currently work we sell a burial casket that is not made of the finest material in the world but sells for $899 on the other hand we sell some very nice and sturdy caskets made of either wood or steel which cost between $1295-$9300. It all depends on your pocketbook and the quality you're looking for) So even if it may
seem that they are tricking you out of your money they really aren't they’re
just selling the product.
In my own experience, there are two types of families. One that is focused on the money and one that is focused on their loved one. If money is a priority to you than you will always search for the cheapest way out of things and search for the loop holes. On the other hand if you are focused on your loved one and the best way of celebrating their life you can be frugal and yet still spend a little bit of money on them. After all, how much did mom and dad spend on your wedding?
Morticians are
also stereotyped as mysterious, soft-spoken individuals who slip about the funerals with a serious
and grim look on their face. This stereotype is one that has been around for
decades. Huck Finn describes it in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when
he says, “He was the softest, gliding-est stealthiest man I ever see; and there weren't no more smile to him than there is to a ham.” This is a common
misconception because morticians are actually just normal people; they are
merely showing respect to the family and the deceased by standing quietly
against a wall or quietly talking to those in the room. Another reason why they
do this is because most funerals take place in a church of a funeral Chapel
where it is just common sense to be respectful and quiet. The grim or serious
expression is often seen at funerals because it would probably freak the family
out if you saw the funeral director grinning and laughing in the middle of
their loved one’s funeral, except of course if a family member shares a funny
story about the deceased.
I must admit that I fit the stereotype of being soft-spoken, in fact on multiple occasions I have been asked if I took special classes in order to learn how to speak so softly and calmly in order to make families feel calm and comfortable at the funeral home. The truth is that that's how I am and how I act. I know many funeral directors who at times laugh loudly or speak gruffly while meeting with families, it all depends on the situation. As Ecclesiastes 3 verse 4 it states that there is "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" and Continuing in verse 7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;.
Even
though there are reasons for funeral directors to be serious and soft-spoken
during a funeral, people also expect funeral directors to have this same
expression and attitude when they’re out in public. When I interviewed a
mortician who lives in my home town, he told me that when he’s been joking around
with a new acquaintance and they ask what he does for a living, the usual
response when he answers is an awkward silence, followed by a look as if to
say, “Are you allowed to act like that?” This is totally wrong; people in other
fields aren't expected to act like they’re at work all the time. People don’t
make comments about doctors when they are drinking, smoking or doing something
that they tell others not to. If other people aren't expected to act like
they’re at work all the time than why should morticians? After all, Morticians
“don’t drive around in black hearses being morbid and dark. [They] are normal
people and [that] is what [they] do for a living.”(Kline)
Morticians
are also portrayed through out history as creepy old men. When, according to
Joanne McGarth, “A significant proportion of funeral directors are younger men
and women. ” (I'm still a rather young guy) As you can guess many of the women in the funeral industry are very
offended when they are confronted with the question, “ Isn't this an old man’s
job.” Of course, this stereotype was created because women haven’t ever shown
interest in the trade until the 20th century. Young men are also
offended because this stereotype portrays them as frail old men when in
actuality a large percentage of today’s morticians are healthy young men.
As a nation we may
ask ourselves, “How do these stereotypes and jokes affect those who aren't part
of the funeral business?” The truth is that according to an informal survey I
did regarding these stereotypes, 100 percent of the people believed that the
fear of death is directly related to the creation of these stereotypes and
jokes regarding those working in the funeral industry.To add to this, a survey done nationwide by
the AARP on citizens ages 50 and up, 20 percent said that they feared death.
This means that one fifth of the elderly population is walking around fearing
death and creating stereotypes about those who work with death daily.
These stereotypes
don’t only affect those who fear death, they also affect those who they care
about. These stereotypes also effect everyone on earth because whether you like
it or not, everyone who lives on earth today will die, so at one point or
another you will find yourself in a situation where your family will have to
face a mortician. Because of these stereotypes you will go into their office
believing that they are creepy, untrustworthy, creeps waiting to steal your
money and hurt you like a mugger on the street.
The people who are
targeted by these stereotypes aren't just sitting around letting people
stereotype them, they are taking action and trying the show the world who they
really are. One way which morticians have attacked these stereotypes is by
creating a calendar called the “Men of Mortuaries.” In this calendar morticians
pose with exposed chests and legs to show today’s society that they aren't the
frail old men as they are stereotyped to be, they are actually young, strong
men who are happy to contribute to society. Morticians in Australia are
combating the situation by creating a new look for morticians. This new look
includes lots of red in their uniform to help people realize that they aren't the same old funeral directors who go around in black suits and a tape measure,
they are actually young men and women who like to help people in their time of
need.Lastly, morticians are combating
the situation by speaking up in the media trying to make people realize that
they aren't what is characterized in HBO’s Six Feet Under and many other
movies, books and television shows which portray Morticians as dark, greedy,
people who have no feeling and don’t care for their clients and their families.
Next time the
subject of death comes up in a conversation, don’t make light of it and laugh.
Remember: morticians are trustworthy, respectful people whose main purpose is
to help the grieving families of those that have died. Don’t try and create
more mistrust and fear of death and morticians by making jokes and stereotypes
about these kind, respectful people who, as Ronan says, “serve the living by
caring for the dead.”In the end when we
contribute to these jokes and stereotypes we are only hurting ourselves.
Works Cited
Morgan, Roy. “fashion for the modern funeral industry”. Prleap.com.
2 Dec 2007 . Pr Leap . 1 Jun 2007 <http://www.prleap.com/pr/79600/>
Hill, Michael.
“Funeral directors try to enliven high school recruiting efforts” SignOnSanDiego.com
. 2 Dec 2007. The Union Tribune . 12 Dec 2005<http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/nation/20051212-0031-recruitingfuneraldirectors.html>
Kline, Jennifer. “Carlisle funeral director
serves the living by caring for the dead” funeralwire.com . 2 Dec 2007.
The funeral wire. 9 Oct. 2006 <http://www.funeralwire.com/article.php?id=18403>
McDougal, Spencer.
Personal interview. 11/23/07.
Thank you for reading! I hope that the words I shared 6 years ago as well as the words I
shared today have made an impact on your views of the death care industry and those who
live lives in the service or the dead and their families.
Today I decided to post an example of an obituary by writing my own future obituary. kind of weird and even creepy to be writing it but it was actually fun seeing as half of it was made up. Here it is:
On Febuary 29, 2084a
first call was made to Mueller'sGreenlee Funeral Home for, not a stranger, but for a
funeral director, more specifically Brevin Clifford. Brevin was born in a time before Flying cars, ipods and ipads and even before the dvd players to his loving and funky Father and Mother. As a child and young man
he was quite the trouble maker and tease at home, yet he was know as a
shy and quiet boy at school. He loved scouting and serving others whether it
be by clearing snowy sidewalks, serving at the VA hospital or digging
ditches for a neighbor. He also loved hearses and collected all sorts of
mortuary relating toys And models. During middle school and high school he
gained a love for funeral service by working at local funeral homes and
for the Office of the Medical Examiner. During these years he also found the love of
his life, the creative and lovely McCall. Following his mission in Guatemala Brevin and his sweetheart were married for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. They began their married life in Kennewick Washington
where Brevin fulfilled his dream of becoming a licensed funeral
director and embalmer. For the next 70 years Brevin served this
community by assisting them lay their loved ones to rest.After
graduating with his bachelors in psychology he expanded his service to the community even more
through his counseling and loving guidance through the grieving process. Not only did he prosper in his work life, but he also prospered as a
father, grandfather and great grandfather, by always leading this
posterity with silliness and quiet dignity. Brevin is preceded in death
by his parents and brothers Jeffery and Paxton. He is survived by his
sweet wife McCall, his brother Ian, 2 sisters, his 3 children Liam,
Mailey, and Fe, 15 grandchildren, and 40 great grandchildren. Services
will be held Tuesday March 7th at 11am at the lds church. Following the service his body will be interred in Taylorsville cemetery. A viewing will be held Saturday March 4that Mueller's Greenlee Funeral home from 5 to 8pm, Monday March 6th at Mcdougal's funeral home from 5-8pm, and Tuesday March 7 preceding the funeral service.
In lieu of flowers donations can be made to the Brevin mortuary science scholarship Foundation.
Alous Huxley once stated, “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. “
(http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/1654.html)
Music is a magical means of expression, it’s one of many means which can used to express
that which we feel, better than we can express them with words. For this reason, for many people,
music has always been a focal point of a funeral service and the grieving process. For example, for fire
fighters, police men, and Scots all over the world there is no better way to express ones grief than with the
penetrating sound of a bagpipe playing amazing grace during the funeral rites. Not only does the sound
penetrate the air and can be heard for miles but the sound of the bagpipes can penetrate the heart and
soul of those how hear it in such a way that tears may flow easily and the healing of the soul may begin.
When I was very young I experienced the magical penetration of the bagpipes and healing they bring, when I attended the funerals of my great grandmothers. As I reached the door of the church and heard the glorious sound of the bagpipes my eyes filled with tears and I could feel in my heart that my sweet great grandmothers would be physically absent from my life until we were once again united physically in the resurrection.
(http://www.lfrbagpipes.org/history.htm)
For others the sound of taps being softly played on a bugle far in the distance allows them to let their
loved one receive their eternal rest from the labors of a life spent in the service of in the armed forces.
In other situations it may not be appropriate to play the bagpipes or taps as part of the
service due to the fact that the deceased hated the sound of bagpipes and bugles or because the family
didn’t feel it appropriate. In such situations any music can be used at a service to express ones feelings
whether it be classical music such as Mozart’s requiem mass or Hard rock such as My Immortal by evanescence.
Whether your loved one or you enjoy classical, country or rock. Celebrate their life with music and let the the music express your feelings and penetrate your soul that it may heal.
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