As I am currently a licensed Funeral Director I will add comments here and there as additions to the paper which will appear in RED. I also added a few pictures for your enjoyment. This was a paper for a college level class the works cited can be found at the end of the text if you would like more information on the subjects discussed.
Here it is, the paper written by Me in 2007:
Have You Heard the One About the Mortician?
While
eating at a restaurant the other night I overheard a group of friends talking
about life and how things were going. Then, out of nowhere, I heard one of the
men say something about death and suddenly the conversation changed from a mood
of casual conversation to "dead" silence. Finally, as if to end this awkward
silence and change the mood of the conversation, one of the friends said, “Did
you hear the one about the mortician and the head switch?” He then proceeded to
tell a joke about a dark, disrespectful, money-hungry mortician who switched
two clients’ heads instead of switching their suits. This joke was followed by
laughter and joy, which in turn led back to a delightful conversation avoiding
the topic of death.
As seen in this situation, society at large has created stereotypes and jokes about the business of death to hide their true feelings regarding death. The problem with situations like this is that instead of facing their true feelings, people have created widely- known misconceptions about morticians and the services they provide. With these common misconceptions of death and the funeral business, society at large is slowly becoming afraid of approaching morticians in the hour they need to most.
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One
stereotype which morticians are given which can scare people away from them, is according to the union tribune, morticians are always “standing with
[their] hands folded waiting for someone to die.” This is a false
statement. Funeral directors don’t stand around waiting for someone to die.
Funeral directors actually have to sacrifice a lot of time and energy when
someone dies. When they are on call they have no choice, if someone calls they
have to drop whatever they are doing to go pick up the body. When a mortician
is on call he makes no plans, or if he does, he makes small plans because even
if he’s cooking dinner he still has to stop what he’s doing and pick up the
body or help the deceased’s family with whatever they need. Their wives and
family have to be flexible in their plans as well since they never know if
there will be a call or how long it will take. So even if it seems like they’re
“standing with their hand folded” waiting for people to die, they’re really
just on call all day and night because it’s their job to act quickly and help
the families at a time when they need it most.
As the preacher in the Disney Movie PollyAnna states in his Sunday sermon, "Death comes unexpectedly!". As a funeral director I'm on call almost every night every other week. I work nights, weekends and holidays. As was stated above during this time I rarely make plans to go out with friends, go to the movies or do anything which would be disrupted by me needing to leave and care for a family who has lost a loved one. While I was in college there were many evenings when I had to end a date early or postpone a date with my Sweetheart due to the fact that I was called to care for the dead. To some this may sound like a huge sacrifice, which it is at times, but to me it's merely a way of living a life of service to those who need it.
Another stereotype that is very disrespectful to those in the funeral business is that that Morticians are greedy vultures preying on the grieving families. This is incorrect. When asked about this topic, Lynn A. Ronan said, “[morticians are] required by the Federal Trade Commission to provide a copy of a general price list to their clients, and there are 17 items that are required to be on the price list.” Mrs. Ronan also stated that morticians are also “required to show the family a casket and outer burial [vault] prices”( Kline). The law put in place by the Federal Trade commission not only says that they must show you the price of the casket but they must also show you the written description of casket before they are able to show you the actual casket. (How) When dealing with this stereotype society must realize that most of the accessories included in a funeral are very expensive by themselves. For instance, according the website, A Light Beyond, the average casket costs $2,000. (at the funeral home where I currently work we sell a burial casket that is not made of the finest material in the world but sells for $899 on the other hand we sell some very nice and sturdy caskets made of either wood or steel which cost between $1295-$9300. It all depends on your pocketbook and the quality you're looking for) So even if it may seem that they are tricking you out of your money they really aren't they’re just selling the product.
In my own experience, there are two types of families. One that is focused on the money and one that is focused on their loved one. If money is a priority to you than you will always search for the cheapest way out of things and search for the loop holes. On the other hand if you are focused on your loved one and the best way of celebrating their life you can be frugal and yet still spend a little bit of money on them. After all, how much did mom and dad spend on your wedding?
Morticians are also stereotyped as mysterious, soft-spoken individuals who slip
about the funerals with a serious and grim look on their face. This stereotype is one that has been around for decades. Huck Finn describes it in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when he says, “He was the softest, gliding-est stealthiest man I ever see; and there weren't no more smile to him than there is to a ham.” This is a common misconception because morticians are actually just normal people; they are merely showing respect to the family and the deceased by standing quietly against a wall or quietly talking to those in the room. Another reason why they do this is because most funerals take place in a church of a funeral Chapel where it is just common sense to be respectful and quiet. The grim or serious expression is often seen at funerals because it would probably freak the family out if you saw the funeral director grinning and laughing in the middle of their loved one’s funeral, except of course if a family member shares a funny story about the deceased.
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I must admit that I fit the stereotype of being soft-spoken, in fact on multiple occasions I have been asked if I took special classes in order to learn how to speak so softly and calmly in order to make families feel calm and comfortable at the funeral home. The truth is that that's how I am and how I act. I know many funeral directors who at times laugh loudly or speak gruffly while meeting with families, it all depends on the situation. As Ecclesiastes 3 verse 4 it states that there is "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" and Continuing in verse 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;.
Even though there are reasons for funeral directors to be serious and soft-spoken during a funeral, people also expect funeral directors to have this same expression and attitude when they’re out in public. When I interviewed a mortician who lives in my home town, he told me that when he’s been joking around with a new acquaintance and they ask what he does for a living, the usual response when he answers is an awkward silence, followed by a look as if to say, “Are you allowed to act like that?” This is totally wrong; people in other fields aren't expected to act like they’re at work all the time. People don’t make comments about doctors when they are drinking, smoking or doing something that they tell others not to. If other people aren't expected to act like they’re at work all the time than why should morticians? After all, Morticians “don’t drive around in black hearses being morbid and dark. [They] are normal people and [that] is what [they] do for a living.”( Kline)
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Morticians
are also portrayed through out history as creepy old men. When, according to
Joanne McGarth, “A significant proportion of funeral directors are younger men
and women. ” (I'm still a rather young guy) As you can guess many of the women in the funeral industry are very
offended when they are confronted with the question, “ Isn't this an old man’s
job.” Of course, this stereotype was created because women haven’t ever shown
interest in the trade until the 20th century. Young men are also
offended because this stereotype portrays them as frail old men when in
actuality a large percentage of today’s morticians are healthy young men.
As a nation we may ask ourselves, “How do these stereotypes and jokes affect those who aren't part of the funeral business?” The truth is that according to an informal survey I did regarding these stereotypes, 100 percent of the people believed that the fear of death is directly related to the creation of these stereotypes and jokes regarding those working in the funeral industry. To add to this, a survey done nationwide by the AARP on citizens ages 50 and up, 20 percent said that they feared death. This means that one fifth of the elderly population is walking around fearing death and creating stereotypes about those who work with death daily.
These stereotypes don’t only affect those who fear death, they also affect those who they care about. These stereotypes also effect everyone on earth because whether you like it or not, everyone who lives on earth today will die, so at one point or another you will find yourself in a situation where your family will have to face a mortician. Because of these stereotypes you will go into their office believing that they are creepy, untrustworthy, creeps waiting to steal your money and hurt you like a mugger on the street.
The people who are targeted by these stereotypes aren't just sitting around letting people stereotype them, they are taking action and trying the show the world who they really are. One way which morticians have attacked these stereotypes is by creating a calendar called the “Men of Mortuaries.” In this calendar morticians pose with exposed chests and legs to show today’s society that they aren't the frail old men as they are stereotyped to be, they are actually young, strong men who are happy to contribute to society. Morticians in Australia are combating the situation by creating a new look for morticians. This new look includes lots of red in their uniform to help people realize that they aren't the same old funeral directors who go around in black suits and a tape measure, they are actually young men and women who like to help people in their time of need. Lastly, morticians are combating the situation by speaking up in the media trying to make people realize that they aren't what is characterized in HBO’s Six Feet Under and many other movies, books and television shows which portray Morticians as dark, greedy, people who have no feeling and don’t care for their clients and their families.
Next time the subject of death comes up in a conversation, don’t make light of it and laugh. Remember: morticians are trustworthy, respectful people whose main purpose is to help the grieving families of those that have died. Don’t try and create more mistrust and fear of death and morticians by making jokes and stereotypes about these kind, respectful people who, as Ronan says, “serve the living by caring for the dead.” In the end when we contribute to these jokes and stereotypes we are only hurting ourselves.
Works Cited
- Morgan, Roy. “fashion for the modern funeral industry”. Prleap.com. 2 Dec 2007 . Pr Leap . 1 Jun 2007 <http://www.prleap.com/pr/79600/>
- Hill, Michael. “Funeral directors try to enliven high school recruiting efforts” SignOnSanDiego.com . 2 Dec 2007. The Union Tribune . 12 Dec 2005<http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/nation/20051212-0031-recruitingfuneraldirectors.html>
- “Mr. Chrisipher Tapia” trinity.edu 2 Dec 2007 trinity.edu<http://www.trinity.edu/mkearl/death02/deathpros/FuneralDirectors/Chris%20Tapia.htm>
- Barrick, Aubrey.“Survey: How 50+ Americans View Afterlife” www.christianpost.com 2 Dec 2007 the Christian post . 7 Aug 2007 <http://www.christianpost.com/article/20070807/28801_Survey:_How_50+_Americans_View_Afterlife.htm>
- “How to choose a burial casket or coffin” thelightbeyond.com 2 Dec 2007 the light beyond 2007 < http://www.thelightbeyond.com/choosing_a_burial_casket.html >
- Twain, Mark. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. New York: first aladion paperbacks, 1999
- “Men of Mortuaries” menofmortuaries.com 5 Dec 2007 men of mortuaries 2007 http://www.menofmortuaries.com/
- Kline, Jennifer. “Carlisle funeral director serves the living by caring for the dead” funeralwire.com . 2 Dec 2007. The funeral wire. 9 Oct. 2006 <http://www.funeralwire.com/article.php?id=18403>
Thank you for reading! I hope that the words I shared 6 years ago as well as the words I
shared today have made an impact on your views of the death care industry and those who
live lives in the service or the dead and their families.
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